I loathe change. Change is hard and requires intense emotions, worries and many 'what ifs' for the future. I am in the midst of a job/career change. For 2 unhappy years, my brain has been as stale as a saltine cracker- crumbling with boredom each day I trudge to my job. Yet, it is far easier to be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation than risk the unknown. I actually mulled over staying at my current position rather than leaving because of fear. Fear that I may fail. Fear of starting over. Fear that I may dislike this new position even more. I am not even 30 years old and I could easily be one of those people that is frozen in time- never risking because risk is too hard. It would be easier to stay in my little shell and peer at the world through my safe haven. Yet, we are called to live. I don't want to look back in 10 or 20+ years wondering, "Would if I had done this... would if I had taken that job... where would I be today?" My dad has a friend who remained at a terrible company for 27 years. This man could not make a decision and was fearful of change and the unknown. For 27 years he was incredibly miserable. Just 2 days ago- he walked off the job--- almost by force. 27 years wasted. 27 years unfulfilled, not living his purpose. I don't want to be that person.
I have prayed long and hard to God about living for Him, finding the purpose He has for me on this earth. And I have been clinging to this verse:
"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years..." Deut. 30:19
I want to choose life- even when it's hard. Even when things are uncomfortable. And when change is hard- I know I can hold fast to my God- for his ways are PERFECT. And He won't stear me wrong- as long as my head is lifted up to the heavens- wanting to do His best.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Music for eternity
This past Saturday, my Grandma invited me on a bus tour trip along with all her senior citizen friends. Before my Grandpa passed away, the 2 of them went on many of such tours. Ironically, my husband has been dying to go on a bus tour, which I have responded with a firm and passionate, "NO!!" "Those bus tours are full of old people," I recounted.
Bright and early Saturday morning, we set off for a day trip to Shipshewana. Having never been on a bus tour or Shipshewana, I had no idea what to expect. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I saw a sea of white heads, everywhere I looked. Each person was warm and welcoming. "What do you do, dear?" "How long have you been married?" My 1 1/2 years paled in comparison to 55 years, 57 years, even 60+ years.
We ate a wonderful amish meal, shopped in all the quaint stores and the highlight- hearing my all time favorite pianist in person - Dino Kartsonakis. I have all of his piano books and have played many of his pieces at my church. To see him in person was a real treat. In fact, almost every song he played- my eyes welled up with tears. He was marvelous- and the pieces he played were entirely worshipful, giving glory to God. I surveyed the audience of white heads and as the hymn 'How Great Thou Art' (my favorite hymn ever) was played- I heard soft humming coming from the crowd. This was a little slice of heaven. I couldn't wait to be in glory someday, with all these dear saints - singing praises to God. Dino's hands flew over the keys, creating a great rippling effect. I could hardly keep my eyes focused- his fingers moved that fast! Wow, it truly took my breath away.
I couldn't believe I was here - in that moment, listening to Dino- being with my Grandma, worshipping God in this fashion. It was incredible. Then, the unthinkable happened. There was a drawing at the close of a concert to win a free CD by Dino. My name was drawn!! I jumped up- Dino asked me to come down. I told him how I have all of his piano books- how I played a lot of his songs at my church. He gave me a big hug and asked me to perform a duet with him. The song he mentioned was 1 I knew well. In fact, it was the 1st piece I ever learned by him- My Tribute. I chickened out. Playing with such an icon was entirely intimidating to me at that moment. Looking back, I wish I would have done it. I wish I would have risked the embarrassment of maybe messing up - getting a wrong note- for the chance to play with such a legend.
Yet, I left there a better person. The words of 'My Tribute' flooded my heart and mind.
"How can I say thanks for the things You have done for me? Things so undeserved, yet You gave to prove Your love for me; the voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude. All that I am and ever hope to be, I owe it all to Thee."
God blessed me that day in a million little ways..... my Grandma, all her old friends, the worship music, and getting to meet someone who I have admired from afar for many years now. They say music opens the window to the soul- and I have to agree. For that special day, created music in me that will last for eternity. To God be the glory- great things he has done!
Bright and early Saturday morning, we set off for a day trip to Shipshewana. Having never been on a bus tour or Shipshewana, I had no idea what to expect. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I saw a sea of white heads, everywhere I looked. Each person was warm and welcoming. "What do you do, dear?" "How long have you been married?" My 1 1/2 years paled in comparison to 55 years, 57 years, even 60+ years.
We ate a wonderful amish meal, shopped in all the quaint stores and the highlight- hearing my all time favorite pianist in person - Dino Kartsonakis. I have all of his piano books and have played many of his pieces at my church. To see him in person was a real treat. In fact, almost every song he played- my eyes welled up with tears. He was marvelous- and the pieces he played were entirely worshipful, giving glory to God. I surveyed the audience of white heads and as the hymn 'How Great Thou Art' (my favorite hymn ever) was played- I heard soft humming coming from the crowd. This was a little slice of heaven. I couldn't wait to be in glory someday, with all these dear saints - singing praises to God. Dino's hands flew over the keys, creating a great rippling effect. I could hardly keep my eyes focused- his fingers moved that fast! Wow, it truly took my breath away.
I couldn't believe I was here - in that moment, listening to Dino- being with my Grandma, worshipping God in this fashion. It was incredible. Then, the unthinkable happened. There was a drawing at the close of a concert to win a free CD by Dino. My name was drawn!! I jumped up- Dino asked me to come down. I told him how I have all of his piano books- how I played a lot of his songs at my church. He gave me a big hug and asked me to perform a duet with him. The song he mentioned was 1 I knew well. In fact, it was the 1st piece I ever learned by him- My Tribute. I chickened out. Playing with such an icon was entirely intimidating to me at that moment. Looking back, I wish I would have done it. I wish I would have risked the embarrassment of maybe messing up - getting a wrong note- for the chance to play with such a legend.
Yet, I left there a better person. The words of 'My Tribute' flooded my heart and mind.
"How can I say thanks for the things You have done for me? Things so undeserved, yet You gave to prove Your love for me; the voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude. All that I am and ever hope to be, I owe it all to Thee."
God blessed me that day in a million little ways..... my Grandma, all her old friends, the worship music, and getting to meet someone who I have admired from afar for many years now. They say music opens the window to the soul- and I have to agree. For that special day, created music in me that will last for eternity. To God be the glory- great things he has done!
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